The Russell-P Project:

Well hell now my week is shot to crap…

I am pissed off!! That’s right folks, I am pretty irate. You can tell how upset I am by the usage of the word “irate” in my last sentence. I actually stole that word off of a co-workers “smart person for a day” word calendar. Truth be told I am not really sure what that word means.

Either way I just found out that my entire week is now shot to all hell and back. I was planning on maybe spending one day out at the pool, one day maybe going to a museum and looking at priceless works of art. I was going to maybe spend one day at the park and maybe go have a nice little picnic and enjoy some cheese and whine but not now. That’s right, now I am not going to be able to do any of these things that I wanted to do.

Instead I am going to be stuck inside glued to my T.V. set watching Shark Week on Discover Channel. Every year since I was a wee tiny lil lad I made sure that whatever I was doing during the time that shark week came on gets canceled. I don’t care what my schedule is, if shark week is on, I am going to be watching it.

Jesus could part the sky and come down from Heaven to personally invite me to go out with him, Mummhumed and Buddha to get Sushi with them and I would have to turn him down until shark week was over. There are only a handful of things in this world that I love and Shark Week just happens to be one of them.

So I invite you guys to cancel whatever plans you have this week, whether it be a hot date with a supermodel, a trip to Hawaii, your Mothers funeral or whatever it is. I suggest you cancel it and watch shark week this week. It will be well worth it.

Lidge is still here, for better or for worse…

For those of you out there who do not keep up with Astros baseball then please disregard this blog.

Well it seems that amongst all the talks of trades and people going here and there all of it was for nothing. The trade deadline has come and now gone and the Astros roster still remains the same. Is this a good thing, who knows? It could be or it could be something that comes back to kill them.

One thing that for sure will hurt the Astros is that rumors leaked out that Roy O’s name was being passed along as a possible trade. Now this is really bad. For one thing it could mean that after 2007 Roy O could start looking for another team to go to. This could have been the thing to show him maybe he does not belong here in Houston.

What I do know is if I was the Astros front office, I would be getting Roy on the phone today and be offering him a nice healthy contract. Heck, call up John Deer and get them to throw a nice pimped out tracker in it for him, I mean they did that for Roger Clemens with the Hummer.

Either way I still have faith in my boys. I mean if any team can come back the Astros or the guys to do it. So I have not gave up hope yet although I am starting to pay more attention to basketball and I hope the Rockets will have a better season thus far then the Astros have.

Dance baby dance...

An old video of my buddy Crazy Chase and I showing off our mad skills.

New 7 wonders of the world...

Can you name one of the Seven Wonders of the World? Probably not, and part of the reason might be because there's only one left: the Pyramids at Giza. Philon of Byzantium picked the original seven wonders way back in the second century B.C., so it's time for an update.

Modern day "Swiss Adventurer" Bernard Weber is asking the world to vote on seven new wonders that people will actually recognize. Stop by his site, New7Wonders.com, to choose from sites such as The Great Wall of China, Easter Island and the Statue of Liberty. But I didn't see my nominees on his list. Mr. Weber, please add these. Thank you.

Mr. Death (The World Champion Midget Wrestler)


The Spork


The Breakfast Burrito
 

The Starwars Kid
 

What are some of the ones that you guys think should be in the list?

Last thought of the day...

Remember: A Little Testosterone Goes a Long Way

Sucks to be Russell-P...

So I just got done playing a show with my band and it is now 2:48 a.m. and guess where I am at? No not a strip club and no not at an IHOP. I just so happen to be back at work. That's right, I am sitting in my office right now getting ready to do some work. I know, I know, it sucks to be me but I guess that is the cost of being a wanna-be Rock Star.

What sucks even more is I have a feeling I will have to be here till about 4:00 p.m. tomorrow and I have another show tomorrow night. Looks like that means no sleep for Russell-P.

God radio not as popular as sex radio...

KINGSBURG, Calif. -- Radio station KFYE-FM hasn't budged from the Fresno-area dial, but it's about as far as you can get from the Christian music, sermons and Bible stories it was broadcasting until about a week ago.

Now it calls itself "Porn Radio" -- "all sex radio, all the time," with a suggestion that people under 21 not listen.

Songs with little in common except suggestive titles and lyrics fill the playlist, including "Why Don't We Do It in the Road" by The Beatles, "Sexual Healing" by Marvin Gaye and "Nasty" by Janet Jackson. Tamer songs are heated up by adding recorded moans and groans.

The change, made after the station was sold this month, was met with several non-sexual groans from some residents.

"It would appear this is another of those promotions that are simply designed to create controversy," longtime Fresno radio personality Ed Beckman told The Fresno Bee. "This format belongs on Sirius or XM, not on over-the-air."

The station tries not to cross the line, said owner Jerry Clifton.

KFYE has been playing songs in a continuous one-hour loop without commercials. Clifton wouldn't tell the Bee whether he plans to eventually switch to a more traditional format.

Let me tell you something about women...

So I happened to be over at the mall today getting me a bite to eat for lunch and as I was standing there at the line for Murphy's Deli I heard these two old guys sitting on the bench talking. They were talking about how in the 70 years of life, they have finally learned a few things about women. They then proceeded to tell each other what they knew about women and they started each sentence off with "let me tell you what I know about women".

Well this made me start to think and I told myself this, "Russell-P, you are 27 years old and you don't know jack about women. I wonder if anyone out there can help you and other guys learn about women." Well I figure why not write a blog about it and try to learn something about women.

I also happen to have a friend who is not having the best of luck with women so I figure maybe this could help him out.

So here is how this works you leave a comment on this blog about what you know about women. The only thing is you have to start it out with "Let me tell you what I know about women..."

Here I will start us off.

Let me tell you what I know about women, if you pay them too many compliments, they will leave you.

Russell-P’s not so famous celebrity birthdays…

Today on 7/27/06, I would like to give a great big Russell-P birthday wish to the following great actors and actresses.

Katrina Leonne
You guys might know her from such fine Amercian classic films as "Bring'um Young 7", "Put it Where It Doesn't Belong", "Savings Ryan's Privates", "Ass Blasters in Outer Space", "Men Alone Two-The K.Y. Connection" and "Happy Scrappy-The Hero Pup". I hear she is in the works on being in "Happy Scrappy-The hero Pup Returns" so we looks forward to that one.

Cascy Beddow
He has played some major roles in some big time films, for instance he has played such parts as, Obnoxious Student in "Carrie", Waiter in "The Chris Isaak Show", The Lone Geek in Blade, "Boy" in Spiderman and Guy leaning against the wall in "Goodfellas". I would like to personally thank Mr. Beddow for playing these bit parts that no one else would want to play. Keep up the good work son, one day you might actually get to play a role in a movie where they give you a name opposed to just boy.

Dakota Fanning
If you don’t know who this little girl is then you must be living in a country that doesn’t believe in entertainment and doesn’t have a since of humor like Iraq or France. I would like to give a special happy birthday to this little girl. Here is a girl who by the age of 4 had already grossed more money then I will ever make in 3 life times. Well the joke is on her by the time she reaches 14 she will more then likely be a giant actress who goes to all the famous parties with big stars, will be driving a Bently, will live in a giant mansion with people who wait on her hand and foot and be way happier then I will be. Ok well maybe the joke is not on her but on me.

Last thought of the day...

Have a Good Night... Despite the Looming Specter of a Nuclear North Korea.

Happy Happy Happy Days Are Here...

So Russell-P is a very, very, very happy guy today. Don't get me wrong, the day did not start out for me so great. In fact, starting yesterday it has been pretty bad.

So yesterday I was working out and when I got done all of a sudden I felt like I was going to pass out. It was actually kind of scary, I had to sit down for a good 5 minutes and just relax.

Well this morning I woke up and my back was killing me, back pain has been a problem with me for a while now. I woke up and went to take a shower to get ready for work and as I was standing in the shower I started to pass out again. In fact, I had to sit down on the side of the shower for a few minutes. I stood up to countine showering and once again I started to black out. Needless to say I ended up not going to work today.

I think the reason I have been feeling like I am going to pass out is due to the fact that I have dropped so much weight in such a quick amount of time. At the begining of the year I had to weigh in for the fire department I am at and I tipped the scale at a whooping 204. Now I stand about 6'0 tall so the 204 did not make me look too fat but it did make me feel self concisous about myself.

A few months back I started a diet and I am pleassed to say that as of my weigh in yesterday I am down to 168 pounds. Not to bad in a few months. The way I lost all this weight so quick is not the best way though. I end up eating about 900 calarios a day plus I run about 2 miles and lift weights every day. I know, I know, that's not healthy. In fact, I think that is the reason I have been passing out so as of now I am going to eat better.

Well this is where the day started to get good. So I had to go to Target to get some stuff and while I was there I figured I would look at getting a new pair of pants. My old ones are a size 34 and they are big on me.

Well I started looking around for a pair of 33's to buy but they did not have any so I figured what the hell, I will get me a pair of 32's just to see if they fit. Well here is where the good part is, DRUM ROLL PLEASE... dadadadadadadadadadadadad bing, they fit. In fact, they are just a bit big on me. So as you guys can guess I am extremly happy about this.

I mean it really sucks that my back hurts and that I keep blacking out but hey you know what they say, no pain, no gain.

On a side note, Target has some really bad ass clothes for super cheap. I ended up getting a pair of pants and like 6 shirts and a belt for $110. Not too bad seeing how I used to only shop at Bananna Republic and Express for men and $110 would buy me a pair of jeans and a belt.

Yates not guilty by reason of insanity...

I can not believe it, she actually got off of killing her 5 kids. What in the hell is this world coming to? Only in America can you drown your 5 kids and get away with it because people think you are crazy. So does this mean if you are crazy it gives you a right to go out and kill people? If that is the case my enemys better watch out.

Seriously though, I don't get it America. She killed her kids how can she not be guilty? She drowned them one at a time to me that makes me think she knew what she was doing. I mean come on people, look at the picture of her, even she was suprised to find out that she was not guilty. That should tell you something right there.

I just don't get it.

Lots of decisions to make…

So there comes a point in every ones life where they have tough decisions to make about their future. Well now is one of those times for me. I have a lot of stuff on my mind right now, and I know I am going to have to make some big decisions soon that will effect my life. Let's just hope I don't screw it up and I make the right decisions.

The Car that Drives Itself...

By Errol Pierre-Louis

If you liked Herbie the Love Bug, then you'll love Volkswagen's self-driving VW Golf GTi '53 plus 1. The German auto-maker took the concept of the lovable car with a mind of its own off the silver screen and onto the streets with this new prototype, initially built to help VW engineers test out vehicles. It can steer, brake, and accelerate up to 150 mph without any human intervention.

The most salient point though, is how the GTi '53 finds its way. It isn't remote-controlled or preprogrammed: It uses grill-mounted radar and laser sensors to read the road and send back details to the car's computer, and a GPS navigation system can pinpoint the car's position to within an inch. To help convince naysayers, VW invited guests to put the car to the test by designing their own roadcone courses and watching the GTi zip through on its own.

With so many car elements going automatic, from cruise control to radar operated pre-crash systems, it may not be too long before we leave the driving to the car altogether.

This will be pretty sweet as long as Windows is not making the operating system for it. If they are then I shudder at the thought of it. Could you imagine if you car got the dreaded blue screen of death. Now that would suck.

Last thought of the day...

Having "Tons of Girlfriends" Isn't Necessarily Cool.

Russell-P’s weird dream of the night…

So I had someone ask me what I dream about. It’s weird they ask me that because just last night I had a super crazy dream.

Last night I had a dream that I was playing in the NBA All-Star game. Now don’t get me wrong, I do have some mad skills with the old B-Ball but I don’t think I am ready for the All-Star game. In fact, I still get beat every once in a while when I play my girlfriend at the basketball shooting game at Dave and Busters.

Either way in my dream I was at the All-Star game but for some reason the game was being played at my Junior High gym. Then to top that off there were lunch tables all over the court. So when I would go to dribble the ball down the court I would jump up on these tables and hop from one to the other.

Well the next thing I remember from the dream is that it was half time and I was in the locker room with all the guys and we were losing. I ended up jumping up on a bench and started to give them this motivational speech. I told them that we need to win this game for Willow so that he can get his village back. (SIDENOTE:  For those who do not know, Willow was an old movie from the 80’s where this little midget man had to go on this journey to save a baby princess) So I don’t know why we were going to win the game for Willow but the speech worked because we all got pumped up and went out and won the game.

So don’t ask me why in the hell I had a dream like this because I really don’t know. I am not even a huge fan of basketball. In fact the only reason I even watch basketball is because my girlfriend is a cheerleader for the Houston Rockets.

So there you go, that is something that Russell-P dreams about.

Do me a favor...

So since I am now on here instead of MySpace it’s a bit hard for me to find out who all reads my stuff. It would be cool if you guys could just leave me a comment on this blog with your name and your MySpace page so I will know who is reading some of my crap.

Last thought of the day...

For now on before the end of the night and I go to bed, I am going to post my last thought of the day. So here it is, my last thought of the day.

When It Comes Time to Repopulate a Post-Apocalyptic Earth… Will You Be Ready?

 

Arizona is a messed up state...

So I have never been to Arizona but for now on I am judging every city and state that I have not been to based on the episode of "COPS" I watch that features that city. As you might have guessed it I am a huge fan of the TV show COPS and in fact I must TIVO about 15 episodes a day.

So as of now here are 3 things I learned about Arizona.

1. They have people their who love to get really drunk and run around in the nude with only a pair of black boots on. This one girl came running out of a bar with only a pair of boots on. The cops ended up having a hard time chasing her down because undoubtedly women in Arizona run really fast. For some reason I have a strange urge to go to Arizona and party at this bar.

2. They have a large abundance of drunk strippers who like to sit out side of their ex boyfriends apartments and throw their thongs at the cops. Not really sure why this is but this is the second time I have seen someone do this on cops who was from Arizona. This chick is really drunk and yelling at the cops that her ex boyfriend took her passport and she needs it to go to Nevada. Which is awfully strange because last time I checked you really did not need a passport to get into Nevada.

3. Somewhere in Arizona there is a one arm man running around who got picked up for prostitution. The funny thing about this was the the cops could not figure out how to handcuff him. Eventually they just asked him, "If we leave you un-cuffed, your not going to attack us are you?". Now that's my kind of cop.

Red on the bottom equals pain...

So for those of you who don’t know I have been working out and trying to look better. Well part of the trying to look better part entails that I start tanning and try to become a nice golden brown color. Well somehow I have missed the nice golden brown part and moved right on to the solid red color.

I tanned the other day for a few minutes longer then I have been doing, I went 12 minutes instead of 10. Needless to say that extra 2 minutes was a lot. As of now I have a nice little red streak running down my back. That’s not really the bad part though, the bad part is that my ass got nice and burned. So now I am walking around with a sunburned bottom. For those of you who have never experienced a sunburned butt let me just tell you this much, it really makes sitting at your desk at work hard. I am tempted to go run and get a hemorrhoid donut to sit down on.

This really freaking hurts. Every once in a while I sit up where my butt will not touch my chair. The problem with this is every time I do it, it never seems to fail that someone walks by my cube to come and talk to me. The walk by and this is usually how it goes, “Hey Russell I need to talk to you about… *THEY STOP AND STARE AT ME IN WONDER* What in the hell are you doing?” Let’s just say it’s not fun to explain to people that you work with that you happened to have a sun burn on your ass.

Oh well, I guess it’s like they say, no pain no gain.

The marathon continues…

So last week my band played three shows in a row and it just about killed us. Three shows in a row plus working a real job during the day starts to put a toll on this 27 year old body. Well once again the tour continues with a show tonight.

We are going to be playing down in Clear Lake at Doc's tonight which should be a lot of fun it just makes work a bit hard on me tomorrow. There is nothing like getting home at 4 in the morning reeking of smoke only to get up 4 hours later to go into the office for a full day of work. To top it off I have a 9:00 a.m. meeting tomorrow morning. So I have a feeling I might not be in my most tip top performance tomorrow during that meeting.

Then on top of that next week we have 4 shows in a row starting Wednesday and going through Saturday. That means I am going to be extra tired next week. Usually after a show I only get 4 hours of sleep and then I have to be at work so doing that 3 days in a row is going to really kill me.

Oh well, I guess this is the price you have to pay if you hope to be a rock star someday.

Good Lord, I am about to die...

So the life of a wanna-be rock star is not an easy life. Last night my band had a show and I did not end up getting to bed till around 4:00 a.m. Needless to say I had to be at work at 8:30 a.m. this morning and good Lord am I exhausted.

To top it off, as soon as I get out of work today I have to get my gear and head way out to Katy for another show. Then tomorrow night head way north to Humble for a show up there.

Somewhere along the lines I forgot what a weekend was.

Now if only I had a chest...

As some of you know I have been busting my butt to get into shape and it seems as if it is finally paying off. A few months back I had to weigh in for the fire department that I am at and I ended up tipping the scale at a whopping 194. Now that is the most I think I have every weighed before. It was actually quite a bit depressing when I saw the number pop up on the scale. At first I thought someone was behind me standing on the scale also but at last that was not the case. So since that day I have vowed to myself to get back into shape and try to look good.

After that fateful day on the scale, I have been eating better and running like a Mexican trying to cross the border. Needless to say, I think it has finally started to work.

I started running outside everyday on this awesome trail they have right outside of downtown Houston. This trail is awesome!! It ends up being about 4 miles long and it takes you along the banks of the bayou and around this really pretty park. So I started running that every day of the week. I also started eating a lot better.

Before I went on my diet I had a tendency to eat Taco Bell a lot. You know how much Hitler hated the Jews? Well I loved Taco Bell that much. I also had a really bad habit of drinking a lot of Dr. Peppers. Not just the small ones in a can but the big huge ginormis 44 ounce once from the gas station. So those two factors combined is what led to my weight gain.

Needless to say I cut all that stuff out. No more Taco Bell, no more Dr. Pepper, no more late night snacks. I know eat pretty much Subway all the time, and guess what, it worked. I went in to the gym today to work out and weigh myself and to my surprise I was 172 pounds. I was freaking psyched to see that. In fact at first I thought I had messed up and set the scale wrong but nope, it was set right and I am sitting pretty at 172.

Now the fun part starts for me though. Now I have to start getting back into the habit of lifting weights. This is the part that always seems to kill me. Oh don’t get me wrong, it’s not because I don’t like lifting. In fact I love to lift weights. The only problem is that I just am not sure what a good work out program for me is. I just don’t want to get in there and start lifting weights and it not do anything. I really need to sit down with someone and find what is a good work out program for me to start doing.

Either way I am pumped about my weight loss. For once I will not be afraid to take my shirt off at the beach.

Starwars VI: A new dope…

I was crying I laughed so hard at this.

Men are so easily manipulated...

I just so happened to visit a certain eating establishment where the women happen to wear extremely short orange shorts and the name of the place kind of sounds like Cooters. While I was there eating I happened to notice that men are extremely easy to manipulate.

I am sitting at my table eating a nice healthy salad when I look to the table next to me and notice a group of not the most attractive guys starting to sit down. These guys were your typical construction worker guys, early to mid 40's, overweight beer guts, hard hats still on kind of guys.

As I am sitting there this really hot waitress comes over to get their order. I mean this is your typical hot girl, blond hair, big fake boobs, super dark tan, basically any girl I went to high school with that I had no shot in hell with. So she comes up to the construction worker guys and sits down at their table with them to take their orders. Man you should have seen their faces when she sat down. I could hear the inner dialog going off in their minds, "HOLY CRAP!! This hot girl just sat down at our table. She must think we are hot or something."

So the construction worker guys are all trying to play it cool. They order their drinks and food and then the waitress walks away. Now this is the key point of the moment. As she is walking away she puts her hand on one of the guys shoulder and calls him sugar.

You should have seen this guy when she did that. As soon as the waitress walked away the man starts telling his friends, "Dude, I think she is in to me." Now keep in mind this guy is a good 20 years older then this girl and even if this guy was a big balla millionaire with a private helicopter out front waiting to take him and her to his mansion where they would live in lap of luxury for the rest of their life's, he would still not have a shot in hell with her. So of course his buddies start inflating his ego and start telling him, "Man you gotta ask this girl out. She is so into you dude!"

The waitress comes back over to bring them their food and she ends up coming over with 3 other waitresses. She tells the guy who is falling for her that she brought her friends over so they could meet him because she thinks he is so cute and nice. Keep in mind that she brought these other waitresses over so they could help her carry the 100 buffalo wings they bought.

Well to make a long story short, his buddies start pumping him up to ask her for her number. She comes back by to leave their check and of course this ogre of a man asks her for her number. She ends up giving him this perfect smile and gave him a number. Well the construction works get up to leave and they end up tipping this chick $75. Now keep in mind their bill could not have been more then $30.

The waitress comes back over with her friend after they left and she started saying how she could not believe that they left her $75. Her friend asks her if that really was her number she left her and she said no, it was the number of her ex boyfriend. They both laugh and scuttle off together to run this same little scam on the next bunch of guys who come in.

So ladies keep this in mind. Us guys, we are pretty slow at times. In fact, we are some times down right retarded. If you just show a little bit of attention to a guy he will fall for it every time, hook line and sinker. This really makes me wish I had a set of nice legs and a nice pair of breast.

Arghhhhh it’s time for a change…

So I have decided it's time for a change with old Russell-P. No, I am not going to have a sex change or anything crazy like that. This kind of change is one I have wanted to do since I was a little kid. I believe it is time for Russell-P to become a pirate.

Ever since I was a little kid, I have had a huge fascination for the ocean and pirates which is kind of weird seeing how I live about 100 miles inland. Either way growing up I used to always read books about ships and pirates. Now I think it is time I start to act on this past love of mine and start to integrate the pirate life into my everyday life.

Starting next week I am going to be adding one piece of pirate regalia to my daily wardrobe. I figure next week I will add the eye patch. It's easy to add and I can just tell people that I hurt my eye that's why I am wearing it. I figure I will just integrate them slowly into me becoming a pirate.

After that I think I will add the pirate shirt followed up by the big boots and then the pirate hat. I figure then I will go up to the old pet store and get me a parrot, and then I shall look like a pirate.

The way I figure it change is a good thing and people should reinvent themselves every once in a while. Now I just have to work on talking like a pirate. I have a meeting I am about to go into and I figure there is no time like the present so I am going to start talking like a pirate in my meeting. At least it will make for a fun time for my co-workers.

What's a pirate's favorite letter? ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Gotta love Houston...

(7/11/06 - KTRK/HOUSTON) - Sophisticated graffiti artists have left their mark near downtown Houston.

Someone covered up a billboard on La Branch at Winbern with a poster featuring a picture of Jesus Christ holding a Budweiser can. The company that leases the billboard believes vandals made the poster at home and then pasted it on top of the ad that's supposed to be there.

It shows Jesus holding a Budweiser in between the phrases "Jesus, King of Jews" and "Jesus, King of Beers."

"I thought that was just crazy," said commuter Jose Cazares. "It looks professional too."

Neighbors say the billboard has been up there for a week or more. 

Well they do have a point, it really is damn good beer.

Russell-P celebrity report of the day...

So ladies and gentlemen, I now give you the Russell-P celebrity report of the day about people who make way more money then any of us ever will.

ANGELINA JOLIE AND BRAD PITT TO ADOPT AN OLDER BOY
The celebrity couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are planning to adopt an older male child. According to Us Weekly Angelina and Brad, who already have two adopted children, Maddox and Zahara, plan to “adopt an older child to support the idea that people should adopt more children, not just babies.”

For the record I would like to say Brad, Angelina, if you are looking to adopt an older boy look no further I am right here. Think about it, it would be much better for you to adopt a 27 year old kid like me. I am house broken, I could bring in a 5 figure salary to the house to help out, I don't eat much and I really don't take up much space. Think about will you.

NO SECOND SERIES OF BRITNEY AND KEVIN: CHAOTIC!

Pop celebrity Britney Spears and Kevin Federline have dismissed rumors they are going to appear in a second series of her reality show, ‘Britney and Kevin: Chaotic’.

Oh my God, what will we ever do? I don't know about you guys but I don't know if I could go through life with out another season of Chaotic. All though I do hear that Britney is going to be staring in a new show called Redneck Moments Caught on Tape. It is to air right before Kevin's new series called White Guys Who Think They Are Black.

ANGELINA JOLIE LIPS ARE THE MOST KISSABLE IN THE WORLD!

The Hollywood celebrity Angelina Jolie topped a survey who has according to men, the most kissable lips in the world.

I don't konw about you guys but I think Jackie Stallone has her beat. I guess with the money her son has made on the Rocky Movies she figured she would beef up her lips just a tad bit. I could just sink into a set of lips like this.

TOM CRUISE BELIEFS STOPS HIM FROM SELLING SURI PICTURES.

If you haven’t guess already, Hollywood actor Tom Cruise has reportedly refused to release pictures of baby daughter Suri because of his Scientology beliefs.

Personally I believe they don’t want to show that baby off because it has a third eye or some other crazy defect. I mean anything that would come from the body of that loon Tom Cruise must be pretty messed up.

JESSICA SIMPSON HOLLYWOOD FAVORITE BODY.

According to readers of the US publication InStyle, Jessica Simpson has Hollywood’s Favorite Body. The pop celebrity tells the lifestyle magazine that four work-outs a week and no junk food is how she maintains her famous curves.

Once again I am going to have to disagree with the people in Hollywood. I mean sure Jessica Simpson is hot and all but come on, who could forget Mrs. Garett from the Facts of Life. Now she had a body that would not quit!!

So Russell-P is really an old man...

Now I know what some of you are saying, "Russell-P, you're not old, you are only 27". Well may I remind you that in some countries I would already be a great-grandfather retried sitting at home in my little grass hut talking about the old days. Even though 27 is not an old age I sure do feel like an old guy.

This past weekend my band had two back to back shows and needless to say I hurt after that. I am not sure what I did but when I woke up on Sunday afternoon, I slept till 1:00 geeze I am a bum, my back was hurting so bad that I could hardly get up. In fact after I got out of the shower, I had to sit down on the floor to put my boxers on because I could not bend over.

I ended up spending half the day just being on the couch with a heating pad on my back. In fact I am sitting at my desk at work right now with that same hitting pad in my chair.

I swear if this it what getting old is going to be like then screw that, I am going to go back to being 21 forever.

White guy's can not dance...

I believe I am some what of an expert in this topic. No, I am not an expert in this because I am just a white guy, I am an expert in this because I just so happen to be in a band and I just so happen to see a lot of white people trying to dance.

My band plays about 2-3 shows a week so I often get a chance to examine the typical white guy trying to impress the other species by showing off his dancing ability. I guess you could call me a white-guy-ologist. There are about three different kinds of species that I typically look forward to studying when my band is playing. You have the flail your arms around kind of guy, the I want to be a rock star guy and my personal favorite the hump her till she runs screaming kind of guy.

Your first species, the flail-your-arms-around-us, is typically seen in the older species of the male. They are the kind of guy who gets out there when they are extremely drunk and dance around like a freaking loon on the dance floor. They typically have a beer in one hand and move their arms around like they are going to have a seizure. These guys usually dance for about half a song before either one of two things happen. One the guy gets extremely tired and falls down on the dance floor or two, the girl he is trying to impress kicks him in the nuts and walks away. I prefer when the second one happens because it always brings a little smile to my face much like when a new born kitten purrs for the first time.

Your second species that you have is the I-Want-To-Be-A-Rock-Star. This guy is usually a fan of 80's music and typically is supporting one sweet mullet. They have a tendency to migrate to the front of the stage and press their heads against the speakers as if being that much closer to 70,000 watts will make their listening experience that much better. The mating call of this species usually sounds something like this, "Dude!!! These guys rock!!!" or "Man that is the sweetest guitar solo every!!!!" This species is considered non threatening just very annoying. They ofter have a tendency to come up to you after the show and inform you on how they play also and how you just have to hear their band.

This species is my favorite of all. It is typically found in your 21-27 year olds who believe they are Gods gift to women. They usually get extremely drunk and proceed to dry hump a girl at the front of a stage. Some times they luck out and find a girl who is receptive, other times they get shot down. If the male is lucky then the girl will receive his mating call and grind with him on the dance floor much to the disgust of the other bar patrons. Sometimes this species will travel in a pack and will proceed to gang up on one girl. The girl usually allows this and just tells her friends the next day that it was OK because she was extremely drunk.

So now that I have given you the knowledge of the three different male bar going species, I expect you guys to become an expert in the field as well and use this knowledge the next time you are out at a bar.

Getting my fat butt into shape again...

Over the past 2 months I have been busting my fat butt to get back into shape, and I must say I have been doing good. I have been eating better and trying to run 4 miles every day. So far I have dropped around 10 - 12 pounds, depends on if I have taken a pee that day or not.

I am planning on going out to float the river here in a few weeks so that is why I have been trying to get back into shape. That and the fact that I am thinking about trying to join the Houston Police Department and I really don't want to be one of those fat cops that sits at a donut shop all day long.

Either way I feel a lot healthier and I think I am looking better. I have also been tanning every couple of days and I must say, I am looking like I am getting a nice little tan on me. Either way hopfully in the next few months I will drop some more weight and get to be in tip top shape.

So what's on tap for the weekend...

I love Fridays!! Let me say that one more time... I.... LOVE.... FRIDAYS!!!

We get out of work at 3:00 on Fridays and I honestly believe there is nothing better then walking out the office door knowing that I am still going to be getting paid for the next 2 hours. Something about sticking it to the man that I love. Well either way this weekend is going to be a pretty busy weekend for me.

Tonight my band Adrenaline is going to be playing at Sherlock's on Westhimer here in Houston. The good thing about that is tonight we have someone running sound for us so we do not have to be at the show until 7:30. That sure as hell beats being their at 6:00 like usual.

Tomorrow night my band is also playing down at Sherlock's in Clear Lake. Now don't get me wrong I love playing shows but something about playing in Clear Lake that I just hate. I think it has to do with the fact that I live so far away from their that I don't end up getting back home until 4:30 in the morning.

Either way, that's what I have planned for the weekend. So as of now I just get to sit back and watch COPS on my TIVO until I need to leave for the show. Man, life sure is good.

Off and running...

So I have finally decided to get partially off of MySpace and start posting blogs in the real world of the internet. Don’t ask my why I decided to do this, all though I think it might have to do with the fact that anytime I tell someone I am on MySpace they always say something along the lines of, “Your on MySpace? I thought only 12 year olds got on there. That or child molesters.” Since I do not fall into either of those two categories that is why I got off of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem with MySpace. I mean my band still use’s it religiously to get our music out and to get us new friends and it does a hell of a job at it. At last count we had more friends on their then there are people in most small towns across the United States and we are getting at least 100 new ones a day.

I suppose though that the real reason why I do not post any blogs on MySpace anymore is due to the fact that the place I work at no longer allows us to get on MySpace. That’s right folks go figure. I guess they finally realized how many people are getting on there and how much time is being wasted on it.

So for now on this is going to be the new home of all my blogs. That’s right; long are the days of me getting on MySpace and playing Gold Miner for hours on end. I guess this just means I play less games and do more writing.