The Russell-P Project:

Just a part of something I am working on...

A rough sketch of something I am working on...

I wish you would have gotten to know me;
One year ago today.
Things would have been much easier then;
I’m dying to know how it would have been.
My glass is empty now and one day.
And one day when all the bullshit fades;
It will be full again.

They say getting over someone is the hardest thing;
But I know letting someone in is twice as hard.
One day when these walls fall down;
And these barriers we put up come tumbling down;
Then I know it will be time to love again.
Love again.

One Year

I wonder around this place;
For hours and hours.
Remembering the day;
When we laid on my bed and you said;
that we would always be;
One.

So quite;
This room wraps around me;
And the pictures of you and I;
Look back at me with taunting smiles.
The cool nights that we shared;
And the days we spent laughing;
Disappear.

Why did you run so far away?
What little things could I have done;
To make you stay?
What little things could I have done;
To make you stay?

Love...

So what do you do when a girl wants to take you on your first date to a place which was you and your ex's favorite place to eat?

I'm sick of always hearing
All the sad songs on the radio
All day it is there to remind
An over-sensitive guy that is lost and alone, yeah

I hate our favorite restaurant, our favorite movie, our favorite show,
We would stay up all through the night
We would laugh and eat Mexican food, and never answer the phone

I can't forgive, can't forget
Can't give in, what went wrong
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life

I'm sick of always hearing
Sappy love songs on the radio
This place, it's fucking cursed and it's plagued
And I can never escape when my heart it explodes

I can't forgive, can't forget
Can't give in, what went wrong
Cause you said this was right
You fucked up my life

I'm kicking out fiercely at the world around me
What went wrong
I'm kicking out fiercely at the world around me
What went wrong
I'm kicking out fiercely at the world around me
What went wrong
I'm kicking out fiercely at the world around me
What went wrong
I'm kicking

The goodbye song...

I wish I could have hugged you;
Just one last time tonight;
and felt your arms around me just this one last time.
I would have held on to you so tight;
Like we were the last two in the world:
I would have held you in my arms and told you that I loved you.
The world was ours for good;
We could have given it our all;
But sometimes things just don't end up the way you want them.

Sleep with me again;
I long to feel your body beside me;
I want to wrap my legs around you.
Sleep with me again;
I will give you all you need;
Baby just hold on to me one last time.

I wish you would have known;
That goodbyes last forever;
Even though sometimes we don't want them to be.
Princess this is it;
Our time here now is over;
I wish you would have just chosen to stay with me.
I know I'll dream of you tonight;
And in my peacefull slumber;
I know I will hold you in my arms once again.

Sleep with me again;
I long to feel your body beside me;
I want to wrap my legs around you.
Sleep with me again;
I will give you all you need;
Baby just hold on to me one last time.

Just one last time is all I need.

Russell-P is going to be published....

That's right ladies and gentleman, yours truly is going to be published next year. I just received word that one of my crappy poems/songs is going to be published in a poem book that is coming out in 2007. So that's kind of cool to hear that someone actually likes what I am writing. Here is the poem that is going to be published.

I sit in this room where you left me alone,
With the thought of your voice that drives nails to my bone.
The lies that you said they ring deep in my head,
And the pain that I feel binds me to my own bed.
Like the time that we kissed, all the memories I'll miss.
And the days that I treated you like a princess.
Sharing our thoughts and all the things that you said.
I try and I try but they just won't leave my head.
The thought of you gone it brings tears to my eyes,
And the pain of us saying our final goodbyes.
The truth of it was that your love it had died.
And the thought of that crushed me and hit me broadside.
I will always remember the love that we had,
And hopuflly one day it will not make me so sad.

So that's kind of cool I suppose.

I sit in this room where you left me alone,
With the thought of your voice that drives nails to my bone.
The lies that you said they ring deep in my head,
And the pain that I feel binds me to my own bed.
Like the time that we kissed, all the memories I'll miss.
And the days that I treated you like a princess.
Sharing our thoughts and all the things that you said.
I try and I try but they just won't leave my head.
The thought of you gone it brings tears to my eyes,
And the pain of us saying our final goodbyes.
The truth of it was that your love it had died.
And the thought of that crushed me and hit me broadside.
I will always remember the love that we had,
And hopuflly one day it will not make me so sad.

So that's kind of cool I suppose.

Random questions that I get asked...

It’s funny you know I get asked a lot of questions from emails and one question always seems to come up. People are like, “Russell-P, everything in your life is doing great. Your band is doing awesome, you have a great job, you are a good looking guy who has a lot of things going for you, but how come is it a lot of the stuff you write is always so damn depressing”?

You know, I don’t know but I think it’s because of this. As a writer you are supposed to represent the best and the worst of you at the same time, and I think if you do it in the right way and use it in the right way then you can take all your depressing stuff you want and get it out of you and put it down and have a place for it and then be a happy guy for most of the time. You can just kind of go on with the rest of your life, if your happy then I am not going to write, I am just going to go out and be happy. I only write if I sit down because I am depressed about something you know?

Someone else emailed me and asked me what I thought about love. I thought this was kind of a weird and vague question but I told them I would give it my best to answer it.

There is a funny thing about love. You see there are always two parts to it and a lot of times we as people only see one side of it at a time. One side of it is the really great amazing part of it. You know the kind when you just see the person and it makes you jump for joy on the inside, it makes you want to stand up and shout, "There she is, there is the girl that I love and want to give my all to. There is my princess the girl I want to spoil with my love. This is the girl that I want to worship and bow down too". That's the part of love that we love to be in. It's the part that great love songs are written about and the part that great poets have written about since the beginning of time.

But there is also another side to it. It's the more darker and sinister side that none of us like to think about. It's the side of love that shows it self only to one person in the relationship or as it tends to be the end of the relationship. It's the part of love when the person who is so madly and deeply in love with the other person realizes that that person no longer loves them the way they used to. It's the part that great love songs are written about and the part that great poets have written about since the beginning of time. Wait, isn't that what I said about the part above. Well yes it is and you want to know why? Because these two parts of love go hand in hand together. Either the person ends up realizing that they are no longer loved and move on to big and better things and grows from this and has more love to give to the next person. Are the person ends up moving on and then the person who dumps them realizes they made a mistake and they work feverishly to get said person back. Then either the person takes them or they don't. As we all know it's impossible to hold on to anybody and as dumb as it sounds if you set them free and they return then it was ment to be and if it dosent it was ment to be free. That's how love works in my opinion. Maybe I am right; maybe I am wrong who's to know.

What do you guys think?

Random thought of the day...

How can you put something so emotionally charged, such as love, into words.......put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it feels like an hour.....sit with a beautiful girl for a hour and it feels like a minute......now thats relativity

Just a thought...

Sometimes you come back to something that was, for the moment, an incredibly big thing, and you realize that it really wasn't. At times, it's hard to separate the feeling from the moment, because the moment envelopes you, wraps around you, controls you. But a little time and distance gives you a whole lot of freedom to realize that sometimes the idea of something is much more powerful than the reality of the situation.

More dumb writing...

Looking out my window
At the world that was ours.
Can you hear me?
I whisper your name.
Wondering how our life would be
If you would have stayed with me.
Do you miss me?
I hope you do.

All I wanted was the love you gave,
Just to spend another day,
With the love you gave.
Just with you.

Sometimes when I hear your name,
I miss the time when you were mine.
Did you think it would last?
I know I did.
I think about the time we shared,
How can we have these dreams with someone else?
Do you want another?
I know I don’t.

All I wanted was the love you gave,
Just to spend another day,
With the love you gave.
Just with you.
My princess.

Just more random writing...

I promise no more random writings after this one. Well OK, maybe I can't keep that promise but I will try. ;-)

I have just been in a big song writing mood lately and I figure after awhile I will write enough and then be done with it for a while. So here it goes again...   :-)

Is this how it ends?
Our last goodbye was right on queue.
You’ll never understand all I went through.
Just so I could live my life with you.

I still smell your perfume in the air.
Your lips were the last things that I knew.
The image of the tears in your eyes.
Sometimes all this shit just seems untrue.

Why did I let you inside.
I was running away trying hard to hide.
I feel for you and now I hurt inside.
I guess in time all my memories will die.

Every little wish I had inside.
Every little dream I shared with you.
Every time I opened my eyes.
I always thought it would be next to you.

Why did I let you inside.
I was running away trying hard to hide.
I feel for you and now I hurt inside.
I guess in time all my memories will die.

Just random writing....

I sit in this room where you left me alone,
With the thought of your voice that drives nails to my bone.
The lies that you said they ring deep in my head,
And the pain that I feel binds me to my own bed.
Like the time that we kissed, all the memories I'll miss.
And the days that I treated you like a princess.
Sharing our thoughts and all the things that you said.
I try and I try but they just won't leave my head.
The thought of you gone it brings tears to my eyes,
And the pain of us saying our final goodbyes.
The truth of it was that your love it had died.
And the thought of that crushed me and hit me broadside.
I will always remember the love that we had,
And hopuflly one day it will not make me so sad.

Gone without you...

So once again I have a new song that I figured I would post. This one is kind of a fast one much like a Finch type song. Almost a punk/heavy sound to it. There is some back up screaming parts in it kind of like what you hear in a Papa Roach song. Either way, here it is. I hope you guys like it. Let me know if you dig it or what you would change on it.

I sit here alone,
And I can't stop thinking.
Of the day that you went away.
I used to dream,
Of what we could be.
But you just threw it all away.

(chorus:)
No more looking for me,
I want you to know that I'm gone.
You ran away, and I just can't stay.
I'm gone without you.
Without you.
Yeah you ran away,
and I just can't stay.
I'm gone without you.

What could I have said.
That would have made you stay?
Or was it over from the start?
You said we were through,
But I reached out for you.
I should have just left you to your ways.

(chorus:)
No more looking for me,
I want you to know that I'm gone.
You ran away, and I just can't stay.
I'm gone without you.
Without you.
No more looking for me,
I want you to know that I'm gone.
You ran away,
and I can't stay.
I'm gone without you.
Without you.

(bridge:)
You pushed me away,
do you know what you’ve done?
I'm not coming back,
You lost all the things that we had.
Is this what you wanted,
To have me go away?

(chorus:)
No more looking for me,
I want you to know that I'm gone.
I'm gone.
You ran away, and I just can't stay.
I'm gone without you.
Without you.
Yeah you ran away, and I just can't stay.
I'm gone without you.
Without you.
Without you.
Yeah you pushed me away.
But I still love you.

Memory...

Memories are funny little things.

They are the things that are with us every single day but yet most of the time we don’t even give them a second thought.

They don't become suddenly dislodged from your brain, and take your breath away and they don't melt you into a pool of mute and grateful and shocked tears.

Most of the time they just lay dormant in the back reaches of your mind hidden amongst things you never think about.

They stay tucked back in the neither reaches of your brain, tucked away behind your cerebral cortex or perhaps just the other side of your frontal lobe.

Then just like magic you hear a song or a name; maybe someone walks past you on the street and you stop because you smell a certain smell that brings all the feelings and emotions you had at a point in your life rushing back to the surface.

Then like an explosion that is equal to the start of the universe or the last dying throws of a distant sun; all the feelings, emotions, taste, smell, color and love comes rushing back at you.

It’s as if you were a kid again and you found your one favorite toy that you thought you had lost.

Suddenly it’s not just a perfume that you smell as you walk by a display case at a store; but it’s the perfume you smelled on her when you realized that you loved her.

Suddenly it’s not just an exit sign on the freeway for a road; but an exit sign to a place where you thought the two of you would grow old together.

Suddenly it’s not just a ticket stub to a theater; but a ticket to the happiest time of your life that you shared with her.

And suddenly, that tiny little memory, the one that you had that runs and hides only to come out when it is stimulated by an outside force, is one that you don’t ever, ever want to leave.

More stupid songs by Russell-P...

I hope you guys like this one... Here is a link to my other poems/songs http://russell.typepad.com/russells_weblog/2006/08/random_thought.html

When my world had seemed so empty,
That was when I found you.
Sitting on the sideline,
Waiting for me to come by.
You took me by my hand,
And showed me happiness.
Oh you showed me the happiness,
That I had been missing in my life.

Why did you have to leave tonight?
My head was resting on the bed.
I reached out to take your hand,
And you were no longer there.
Was it a dream, Or a faded memory.
Why did you have to leave tonight?
Oh why did you have to leave tonight?

My world had seemed so bright,
Now that you were by my side.
Old sweatpants, no makeup, so perfect.
The look that was in your eye,
Was one I thought I would see forever.
But forever was just not meant to be.

Why did you have to leave tonight?
My head was resting on the bed.
I reached out to take your hand,
And you were no longer there.
Was it a dream?
Or a faded memory.
Why did you have to leave tonight?
Oh why did you have to leave tonight?

I came by to get my stuff,
I did not think this would be so tuff.
The loving stares and the time we shared,
Was it worth throwing it all away?
I turn my back on you as I walk acorss the room,
I can’t believe that this was our last goodbye.

Why did you have to leave tonight?
My head was resting on the bed.
I reached out to take your hand,
And you were no longer there.
Was it a dream?
Or a faded memory.
Why did you have to leave tonight?
Oh why did you have to leave tonight?

My writing section...

So back in the day I used to do a bunch of writing but I have never shared it with anyone due to the fact that I was always scared to share stuff. Now I figure what the hell I might as well put some of it out there. Some of the stuff I write is either songs or just straight out spoken text. It just depends on the mood I am in. Here is one that I have been working on and its a song. So here is the first part of it.

By the way there lady
You know my hearts with you.
And even though were not together
You know that I miss you.
Yes it’s true.
My worlds just not the same without you.
I swear it’s true.

By the way there lady
My love for you’s not dead
And even though we drifted apart
you're still inside my head.
Yes it’s true.
I hate to live another day without you.
I swear it’s true.

Safe from the world is how you made me feel
Safe from the world is how you made me feel
Safe from the world is how you made me feel
I swear it's true
It's how you made me feel

By the way there lady
You're the greatest love I had.
And even though we fell apart
I am still so glad.
Yes it’s true.
The best thing that happened to me was you.
I swear it’s true.

The rest of it I am still working on but I figured I would throw it out there. It beats me writing about Asian midgets all the time. ;-)